For years, I built my identity around being someone who needed structure. I woke up early, had my morning routine down to a science, and prided myself on being organized and “disciplined.” I used phrases like “I recharge best alone” and “I just don’t do well with last-minute plans.”

And to be fair — there’s nothing wrong with being intentional with your time. But looking back, I realize what I labeled as “boundaries” were sometimes just fear wearing a wellness hoodie. I wasn’t protecting my peace — I was protecting my comfort zone.

I said no to conferences, networking events, and group trips under the blanket excuse of “I’m too busy.” But let’s be real: sometimes “busy” is just a convenient shield for insecure. I didn’t want to be in the room where I might feel out of place, unsure, or seen trying something new without a clear plan or outcome. So I hid — behind Google Calendars, to-do lists, and a rigid wellness routine that kept me busy enough to avoid real growth.

But this year — everything shifted.

I stepped away from my full-time role to finish my MBA. And with it came more white space than I’ve had in years. At first, I clung to my routines harder than ever. “Structure keeps me grounded,” I told myself. But eventually, with more open time and fewer excuses, I had to confront the deeper truth: I didn’t actually know what lit me up anymore outside of achievement and control.

So I started saying yes more.
Yes to that uncomfortable panel event where I didn’t know a single soul.
Yes to attending conferences that felt intimidating but expansive.
Yes to showing up in rooms where I wasn’t the most qualified, the most experienced, or the most polished.

And you know what happened? I found energy there — not depletion. Turns out, some of the things I was avoiding were actually what I needed to grow.

Self-awareness isn’t just sitting in silence with a journal. It’s putting yourself in motion — in new situations, new conversations, new challenges — and watching what comes up. What parts of you tighten? What parts of you open?

That’s how you learn who you are.

Now, I’m not abandoning my slow mornings or my coffee anytime soon — those rituals still matter. But I no longer mistake comfort for clarity. And I no longer confuse structure with self-knowledge.

Sometimes, the most grounding thing we can do is loosen our grip.

So if you’re in a season of figuring out who you are or what’s next — try this: say yes to one thing that scares you. Attend that event. Take the class. Go to the dinner. Not to “network,” not to achieve — just to observe yourself in motion. That’s where the real growth lives.

with love

Casey